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The Love Food Podcast

Keto. Paleo. Vegan. Do this not that. None work yet still trying? Now what? Eating is getting too stuffy and complicated. Throw open your windows to allow a new stream of health, wellness, and peace. Time to examine your dusty food belief knick-knacks. What if you could write a letter to food? Pen to paper, you hash out the love/hate relationship and food’s undeserving power. Details go back years, to your first childhood diet trying to fit in. How you relate to food chronicles many of your life’s ups and downs. In this letter, you examine your dusty food beliefs and wonder which go in the trash, are for others, and which remain in your heart. What if you wrote this all down and food wrote you back? This is Love, Food. Food behavior expert and host, Julie Duffy Dillon is rolling up her sleeves to get to the bottom of what is really healthy. This award-winning dietitian seen on TLC’s My Big Fat Fabulous Life has a secret: food is not your enemy and your body is tired of the constant attacks. She will partner with you on your Food Peace™ journey. Show topics include: *emotional eating *intuitive eating *anti-diet *binge eating *orthorexia *body image *eating disorders *dieting *parenting and food *healthy eating *stress eating *food addiction *mindful eating *non diet approaches Pull up a chair to your dusty kitchen table and set it for a meal. Ask food to sit alongside you and chat over coffee. Or a margarita. You have some reconnecting to do. In that connection is Love, Food. In that conversation is health and peace.
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Now displaying: May, 2021
May 25, 2021

A transcript of this episode is available at JulieDillonRD.com.

How do you continue to fight diet culture when someone in your family lives with diabetes? Is rejecting diets hurting them? Does this diagnosis mean food must now be managed rather than met with curiosity? Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast with guest expert Rachael Hartley, author of Gentle Nutrition.

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Mentioned in this episode: Rachael HartleyGentle Nutrition / Rachael's Instagram / Rachael's Twitter

Food peace resources: Julie Dillon RD blog PCOS + Food Peace Free Roadmap / PCOS + Food Peace Course / Food Peace Syllabus / 6 Keys To Food Peace / My PCOS Manifesto

This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course. Grab the details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for supporting the Love Food Podcast!

May 18, 2021

A transcript of this episode is available at JulieDillonRD.com.

How many of you have moved from controlling food to letting it be? What if controlling food was a part of your life's work--literally AND figuratively? This latest Love Food Podcast is a bit different. We get to hear from Daph Levy (she/they) an anti-diet eating-disorder recovery mentor, fat activist, and video media producer based in Boston, MA. They submitted a Dear Food letter and Julie invited them on to explore next steps. Listen to hear Daph's words of support and wisdom!

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Mentioned in this episode: Daph's Instagram / Daph's Youtube channel / Double Vision Media

Food peace resources: Julie Dillon RD blog PCOS + Food Peace Free Roadmap / PCOS + Food Peace Course / Food Peace Syllabus / 6 Keys To Food Peace / My PCOS Manifesto

This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course. Grab the details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com.

 

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

Thank you for supporting the Love Food Podcast!

May 11, 2021

How long have you been trying to recover from your eating disorder? This episode is for those of you have tried everything and wondering if recovering is possible. When a complicated relationship with food includes trauma, loneliness, and pain recovery may seem out of reach. Listen to this latest Love Food Podcast episode with guest expert Daralyse Lyons. She's an activist, actor, and advocate and host of the Demystifying Diversity Podcast.

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This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course. It is 30% May 16-24th using coupon code 'birthday' at check out. Grab the details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Dear Food,  

I don't really know exactly when my relationship became complicated with you, or quite how it came to control my life. I remember when I was in my early teens, being the one to say diets are bullshit, and not thinking about what I ate. Being anti-diet culture was practically a part of my identity, and such is where my values sit today, but I live in complete contradiction.
 
At some point in my teens, I started restricted and using my vegetarianism to always choose the salad option at school. But it wasn't controlling, it wasn't overwhelming; it felt more like a natural reaction to being at an all girls school in the society that we live in - an image-based thing. Sometimes, it was reactionary, in spite of my (well-meaning) mother who would always tell me that 'soup is a starter not a meal', and check if I was eating enough despite her smaller portions. (I later learned she had a struggled with anorexia for years, and would still struggle to eat in times of stress.)

I developed anxiety and depression by age 16, which ruled and ruined my sixth-form life. Perhaps it was the exam stress, the family troubles - growing up with a drug abusing brother who was in and out of school, in and out of home, in and out of hospital (not that I was always told straight away). We had a complex relationship with my father, who always vied for my brother's attention and allegiance against my mother. I tried to be always neutral, always loving of all parties - because I was, and couldn't not be. But with this came a lot of pain, a lot of confusion, and the earnest desire to always tread this precarious, and often punishing line.  Of course, when I couldn't - and can't today - there is guilt. I was a straight A* student until the slump during my sixth form years, when my energy broke, and I scraped my way through the last 2 years. I used to be, and still feel like I should be, the person who was able to succeed at anything and everything without dropping the ball - but suddenly I could do nothing, and have struggled ever since. Around this time I realised there was probably something wrong - a cause. Through an explosive conversation with my mother, I was pushed to a consultation with a therapist and given the diagnosis - anxiety and depression - but didn't receive further help.  

In my first year of uni I tried to access help myself, but was turned away by the uni counselling services after a few sessions, saying they didn't know how to help me as I had already thought everything through so much myself. It was in this year I had a few episodes of bingeing and purging. This continued around occasional periods of stress, such as exams, but not as a regular method of coping.  

In second year, my mental health worsened. Restricting, binging and purging became a secret indulgence, but never something I saw as a problem as it was so sporadic. I had difficult relationships with my flatmates, though I had stronger friendships elsewhere, I felt alone. I became so ill I had to defer my exams. I worked towards the summer session, hoping I could somehow manage. But two weeks before I was due to take them, I was raped. 

Utterly broken, I moved back in with my parents for a few months, during which time I tried to use food to console myself while I tried to process what happened. But when a close family member was admitted to hospital with terminal cancer, I began majorly restricting. When they passed away and my family fell apart, I moved back to my uni town and started a new job, trying to get my life back on track. Pretty much all the friends I thought I had were no longer there for me. I managed to access CBT for 9 weeks, but developed bulimia in an dramatic way, binging and purging at least 3 times in a day, at one time losing X in a month. This continued through another exam deferral, and another. 

I fought for a year to access treatment, being passed from waiting list to waiting list, rejected for being too symptomatic, too complicated or not fitting criteria. Along the way, I met someone who truly loves me and cares for men and helps me through these struggles. When I am with him, I eat normally and don't purge, but will find myself in tears most evenings because of food. My weight is stable at a healthy BMI, but I am miserable in my skin, mentally exhausted, and absolutely terrified: of this relationship with food that dominates my life. I cannot have food around me and resist it, regardless of whether I am hungry - I am so anxious about when I might need to eat, that I am constantly aware of a hunger, and I cannot discern the emotional from the physical. I know I use bingeing and purging as both a means of occupying myself when I am alone, as an emotional control and as a form of self-harm. And what started as a tool has grown like a weed to something that I am constantly aware of, and bothers me even when I am happiest. I love to cook, and often cook with my boyfriend, but cannot enjoy a meal without resenting myself and being overwhelmed with frustration as a result.

In a month, I will finally be starting treatment (psychotherapy with a trauma focus), but I am worried about managing my relationship with food during this time, as I know it will be a gradual process, and not the focus of my treatment. Additional private treatment isn't easily an option for me. I am also worried about the strain I place on my boyfriend, who is always there for me, but who cannot fight the battle for me, no matter how much he may want to try. 

I am trying to keep the willpower to fight for myself, to maintain the relationships I have left and succeed in my final chance to pass these exams in just a few months. I desperately need peace with you food, so that I can have more energy to make peace elsewhere in my life. 

Yours, 

Terrified & pleading for a truce

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

May 4, 2021

Moving away from diets and its recovery often includes body changes. Unfortunately, Food Peace proof is often misinterpreted to mean weight loss. What if weight gain was/is how your body recovers from diet culture? What if anti-fat bias is blocking you from food freedom? Listen on ways through with guest experts Ali Eberhardt and Hannah Robinson from the Let's Eat Cake Podcast.

Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds.

This episode of The Love Food Podcast is brought to you by my PCOS + Food Peace Course. Grab the details at PCOSandFoodPeace.com

Thank you for you supporting the Love Food Podcast!

Dear food,

We've had quite the rocky relationship, haven't we? I used to loathe you and even hate myself for needing you in order to survive. I wished that I could just take a pill with all of the nutrients and vitamins I needed to keep me alive and never have to eat any food whatsoever. Many years of therapy, nutrition counseling, outpatient eating disorder programs, multiple residential treatment stays and most importantly, my own extremely hard work, have brought me to a completely different place. I no longer loathe you. I can now appreciate that you bring people together, that you help us celebrate different cultures and histories, and that you allow us to connect and make memories. But here's the thing: I'm still scared of you. Not in the same way I was before, though. I've conquered all of my old fear foods and I've learned the difference between foods I've feared and foods I genuinely don't enjoy. I don't avoid you and I eat intuitively. I'm able to give my body what it needs, knowing that sometimes that's a little more and sometimes it's a little less. I "eat kale AND cake", as a former dietitian of mine used to say (although I enjoy spinach much more than kale and ice cream more than cake, but that's beside the point). It's taken many years of agonizingly painful work to get to this place, and I'm finally able to recognize that and give myself the credit I deserve. So why am I still scared of you? To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm scared more of you or scared of what my body will do with you. I still don't trust my body to handle you "correctly".  My last treatment program (2 years ago) allowed me to complete an ideal step-down program, going from residential to full independence slowly and surely. I wish everyone had this privilege and will forever be grateful for the opportunities it gave me. I left confident that I could return to my "real life" and continue to eat intuitively, even when things got stressful, and that's exactly what I did. My weight remained stable and in the range my team had estimated for me through my last two months of treatment and for some time after I discharged. I was doing well and was finally experiencing freedom regarding food. And then the unthinkable happened: I gained weight. My and my eating disorder's worst nightmare came true. It wasn't an alarming or unhealthy amount, but enough for my team to take notice and to necessitate buying new clothes. Shame enveloped every part of my being. I was and am still completely healthy and not in what others might perceive to be a large body, but it sure feels ginormous to me. It's the heaviest I've ever been, and it came right on the heels of finally feeling free to eat intuitively. My eating disorder screams at me, "See?!? Intuitive eating leads to weight gain! You'll always want to eat sweets and junk food and you'll never want to eat enough vegetables! You're fat and disgusting and should go back to going days without food". I'm proud to say that I held strong and have remained stable in recovery to this day, but my confidence has taken a huge blow. Rationally I know that it could have nothing to do with you - it could be due to new stressors from starting graduate school, medication changes, or a variety of other things. But I can't convince the rest of me of that. All I can see is the flashing neon sign in my head that says EATING INTUITIVELY = WEIGHT GAIN. Losing weight is constantly on my mind. I don't want to go back to the unhealthy, underweight body I had before, but I desperately long for the healthy yet smaller body I had immediately following treatment. Food, you have hurt me deeply. Both you and my body have betrayed me. I trusted you and you let me down. Will I ever be able to trust you again? Will I ever be able to eat without second guessing myself and my body again? Will I ever live without fear of weight gain and the desire to lose weight? I really don't know...

Sincerely,

Untrusting and betrayed 

Show Notes:

Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com. 

Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!

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